They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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