i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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