meet me or not, i'm out of control
Come see our sink grown plant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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