Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
