Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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