I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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