My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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