Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
