i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They took my balls.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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