So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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