dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
