Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
