He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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