Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
