If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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