I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
