I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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