she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In America we eat man semen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize