I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
