it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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