So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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