Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
