Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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