we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
