Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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