If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
