i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
