Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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