need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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