pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
