You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
