I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
