Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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