I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
