My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
