just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
