I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
