On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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