you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
