He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
