it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
