By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was like giving head to a cactus.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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