Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
