I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
