I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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