was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
where are my eyebrows?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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