Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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