That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
