Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They took my balls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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