and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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