just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
