If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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