dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
