Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
