i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
that is very illegal...i love you.
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