end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just cropdusted the office
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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