He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
