Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You left your phone here
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