I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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