Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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