You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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