Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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