What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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