They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
