Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
