either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
